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So this one time, which just so happens to be right meow, I’m sitting outside on a balcony while two girls speaking some strange language behind me are absolutely 100% without a doubt laughing at me for sitting like an asshole on my computer and typing with my loud too long nails on my keyboard and probably being all like, look at that dumb bitch in her green sweatshirt and her blue hair FUCK HER she is just the worst, knowing full well that I can’t understand a word they’re saying and hey that’s fine with me because you know what you giggly meanies, I’m typing an entire description about you that will live on the internet forever unlike your mean conversation that will be over any minute now… any minute… come on stop laughing at me I mean I know I’m electric but come on. Anyways for those of you wondering about the fire in my apartment, no it was not of any fault of mine and my landlord/ home owners association has to pay for it since I rent and I am just a tenant. The washer and dryer that melted weren’t mine and the sheets were covered in fake tan so good riddance. In all honesty it was one of the scariest things that has ever happened to me, it could have happened at any time and I was really glad that I was awake and close to home so I could get my dogs out of there and keep them safe, but I really did also save a bag of cheeseburgers. I mean you would too don’t even judge me. And also I’m going to australia to pet all the animals and play with them and cuddle them and love them and hopefully make best friends with them so that if I ever go back to Australia I’ll have all these animal friends and they’ll be all like, hey mate you can stay in my dirt pen with me and I’ll be like oh thanks mister wallaby that sure is thoughtful of you and boy do I love sleepovers so give me like a day of flying through the air and I’ll be there to make friendship happen with you and then dolphins jump through a rainbow colored sunset in the background and a trout is all like, hey whats all that commotion up there, and we’re like SHUT UP FISH MIND YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS and then a bigger fish like a barracuda comes and eats the trout and then a whale eats the barracuda and then Jesus picks up the whale and throws it into space and thus SPACE WHALE WAS BORN. Nobody take that, I’m actually really excited about that idea. Thanks. Sincerely, KERMIT HAHAHAHAHHA THIS WAS KERMIT THE WHOLE TIME I FOOLED YOU FUCKERS.
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